It can be difficult figuring out how to connect with our kids or the ones we work with. When kids are securely connected with us, they feel valued, develop higher self-esteem, behave better, are more cooperative, and are happier.
I’ve worked with kids for over 20 years and my superpower has always been the connection. I think the number 1 reason for this is because I genuinely love them and they feel this. But there’s more to it. Of course, saying “I love you”, hugging them, and spending quality time are extremely important, but we can say “I love you” in many different ways that will strengthen the bonds we have with them.
One of the most important things we can do is practice conscious listening. Put away all electronic devices and be present with your child. The best way to connect is by being present. Many times, our children feel like they are competing with our phones, and this leaves them feeling not worthy. This can then lead to low self-esteem. When you are spending time with a child, look at them, listen intently, and let them know you believe in them. When we do this, they feel unique, and this creates self-love!
Another way to say I love you (which leads to connection) is by letting them know how lucky you are to be their parent. I always used to tell my kids that if I could have chosen any kid in the world, I would have chosen them! This lets them know that they are enough exactly how they are. We want our children to feel comfortable in their skin so they can be brave enough to go out into the world and be authentic!
Let them know that they are one-of-a-kind and this is their superpower. There’s nobody in the world like them, nor will there ever be. They should go out into the world and be true to themselves. The truth is some people will like them and some won’t, and that’s just ok - it shouldn’t affect their sense of self-worth. List some of their positive attributes to solidify this in their mind.
We can also strengthen our bond by telling them at the end of the school/workday, “I thought of you today when…” I know when anybody makes this statement to me as an adult it just lifts me! It makes me feel special and don’t we all want our kids to feel special?
When they engage in acts of kindness, are helpful, show compassion, or are thoughtful, tell them, “You make my heart happy!” We always want to acknowledge positive behavior; many times, we tend to do the opposite. Positive reinforcement when they’re engaging in positive behaviours will initiate more and make them feel good about themselves.
Lastly, always let them know you’re proud of them when you’re spending time with them playing games, reading a book, or just hanging out!
Connection is crucial! If we discuss their strengths, interests, quirkiness, and abilities…this will lead to open conversations which will be beneficial as they hit those tough hormonal years because you will have a strong foundation built on connection!
Until next time…stay connected!