There’s a little girl who lives in my heart. She strives for perfection, to be a “good girl.” At a young age, I started to perceive anything less than perfection as a failure. This pressure continued as I got older, and frankly, it was exhausting. Consequently, I didn’t take risks; I played it safe and this led to stress and anxiety.
Social media floods us with images of people living the “perfect life”, and we seem to wear being busy as a badge of honour. Many of us are overwhelmed with the pressure put on society to achieve; the more the better. Now, more than ever, we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others which leaves us feeling inadequate. In fact, it leaves us feeling downright shitty. It’s important to remember that we’re all flawed. Everyone has their own unique strengths and weaknesses, and not one of us is perfect.
Throughout my journey, I’ve come to realize how the need to be perfect has impacted self-love. Just as judging others lowers our energy and leaves us feeling unhappy, you’ll never be enough if you compare yourself to others. I’ve now concluded (and it took a long time to get here) that less than perfect is ok. I’m done trying to be perfect; I am now comfortable with imperfection. When that perfection monster rears his ugly head and tells me that “I’m not enough,” I’m aware of the voice and tell him to take a hike!
In Children, perfectionism can lead to anxiety and also impacts self-esteem greatly. There are many strategies that can help our little perfectionists deal with the frustration and anxiety that accompany it:
- Kids learn from observation. When we make a mistake, don’t finish first, or aren’t the best at something, demonstrate to children that it’s okay. Laugh at your mistakes and children will pick up on that!
- Try to focus on hard work and sportsmanship, rather than asking if they won.
- Take the pressure off of academics and marks, instead praise effort and dedication.
- Try to avoid overscheduling.
- Reinforce to children that it’s okay to make mistakes!
- Teach children to be aware of the inner voice, and change it from negative to positive using affirmations (ideas in my book)
- Practicing mindfulness by using the five senses helps ease the stress (ideas in my book)
Many of these strategies I expand on in my book which will be out shortly. In the book, you will also find a meditation that I have written, The Floating Bubble, which is designed to help increase self-awareness and reduce their negative voice. It is a great tool that has children “pop” negative self-talk bubbles while floating through the air, and it teaches them how to control their thoughts. This helps with the fears and anxiety that comes with perfectionism.
I hope there’re some ideas here that will help you ease your child’s frustration.
I love this quote by Brené Brown:
“I’m a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring ‘good- enoughist.’”
Until next time…we are all enough!